Excitedly Terrified

We are down to what are the last moments in this adoption process. If this almost 4 year process was crammed into 10 minutes, we are in the last 10 seconds. We are waiting for the final phone call – that one where the paperwork is ready for us to bring the girls to Canada.

I am totally pumped on many fronts and fearful on many others.

I am excitedly terrified.

I am excited for the girls to come to Canada. And terrified as it is really only the beginning of the journey as us as a family of 6.

I am excited to walk alongside them as they learn a new language, taste new food and take in new sights, sounds and smells. I am equally terrified to walk alongside them as they are overloaded with many new experiences.

I am excited to build our family of 6 together. I am terrified of the parenting piece – of parenting children from hard places/trauma and all that brings, and parenting our boys through the challenges of seeing their sisters go through tough stuff.

I am excited for us to mesh as a family. I am terrified that that coming together may never occur.

I am excited for the change that is going to occur in each of us. I honestly believe that change is good. But I am terrified of those same changes in us because in spite of change being good, it can be extremely hard.

I am excited as I want to show them their new home country. I am terrified that they will forever hate everything about Canada.

I am excited because I love these two girls like my own flesh and blood even though they are not. I am terrified that there won’t be reciprocal love.

I am extremely excitedly and utterly terrified.

Meanwhile the last 10 seconds feel like they are taking forever. And my heart is in my throat.