Frustrated…Yet Grateful

A couple of days ago I was driving distracted. No, I was not using a cell phone while I was driving (for those of you who do not live in BC, we can get fined for driving while using a cell phone). I was distracted by my frustration. I was thinking how I was frustrated with the adoption process.

I got home and started writing a list of reasons why the adoption process was frustrating me. The list quickly morphed into a list of gratefulness. Interestingly, the ‘grateful list’ quickly out-sized the ‘frustration list’. While there may be a similar number of points to each list, I was sucked into the vortex of gratefulness and able to articulate them a little better. A moment later I realized that I was much more grateful than frustrated. For me, the frustration was bred from selfishness whereas the gratefulness is so much more than about me.

The following is what my lists currently look like (although I continue to ponder this and add to each list — mostly the grateful list:

Frustrated:
-with the process of adoption (but understand nonetheless)
-with the significant possibility of costs increasing related to the adoption
-with the timeline of many pieces of the adoption both home and abroad
-with the unknown – who our kids are, and when we will be travelling

Grateful:
-for the process – it does protect kids from child trafficking (and yes, this was also in the ‘frustrated list’)
-for the people involved in the adoption process. We have met superb individuals both this working on our adoption story and those who are willing to walk alongside us in this journey. And we eagerly await to meet the people who have been working hard on our adoption journey that we have yet to meet.
-for the people willing to donated time, effort and funds to our adoption process. They are all part of the community that we believe it takes to bring children home as well as raise them. They are willing to give for something that we believe in — for children that they cannot yet see, hear, or touch.
-for the unknown. Yes, that sounds strange, but I think that once we know who our kids are, there is still much to do to get them home. Once we see our kids faces, know their names and as much information as is available, I will want them in our home. I will want to hug and cuddle them (even though they may not want to — depending on many factors which I will not get into at this time). This unknown may turn to frustration at any point but for now, this is where is stays.
-for the future opportunity to travel. I look forward to meeting not only new family members, but the people at the orphanage. And don’t forget about the local food I am looking forward to.
-for who we are and what we have as a family — good health, warm & dry place to live, beds to sleep in, food to eat, loving family and amazing friends.

Crazy what happened when I started putting my frustration to paper (yes, I did write before typing — this speaks volumes about me). Hopefully I have learned to put my future frustrations down on paper and see where it takes me because despite the frustration in this process of writing I learned much.

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